Despair , hope and Sudoku...
Despair , hope and Sudoku...
It was pitch dark outside.. Sun had settled down for another day...I looked out from the 6 th floor lounge of Lilavati Hospital at the sprawling Bandra lake with its glittering skyline..night was gradually setting in.. Could spot the Mumbai local train screeching in the background shuttling tired and exhausted commuters home after long day of hard work.. There was an air of sitting back ...Though the day outside was slowing down and changing its pace.. . inside the day was unaffected by the outside paces or routines.. I looked around at the dim lights of the waiting lounge in Lilavati ICU ..ICUs unnerve me ...that sense of morbidity in the air .. That apparent human helplessness in that final battle between life and death.. Where human life is just a puppet .. Hanging almost like a piece of ego trophy between life and death.. Those vital life sounds of beeps and puffs all together create the " ever formidable " ambience of ICU for me. I sighed ..getting up to grab a glass of water.."Aap patient ki Beti ho.. "? I turned to find a 60 plus lady looking back at me with questioning eyes.." Woh mere uncle hain".. I got back..she nodded and got back to her sudoku on her ipad.. There was a calm air around her.. I asked her " Aur aap?".. " Main patient ki wife hoon.. He is in ICU for a month now"... I nodded and looked away..there was one more thing about ICUs .. There is also that air of matter of factness and fatal acceptance towards suffering and death..every few hrs or days there is someone either winning the battle and getting discharged to leave or someone loosing it out there and passing away to abode their final journeys..in any case there are constant dynamic movements happening out there....the lady at soduku I noticed suddenly rushed in the ICU as her patient's bed number was announced ...there was a look of urgency , apprehension and hope on her face as she swiftly slid in..after few minutes loosing track of her I moved downstairs to grab a quick lunch with my aunt in the cafeteria..as I returned back to the ICU lounge after an hour .. First thing I noticed that my mobile phone was missing from the public charger in the lounge.. Frantically I looked around .. Since none of my family members were in the lounge area during that time.. I did not know where to check on.: just then felt a hand on my shoulder " here is ur mobile ".. There the soduku lady was ...thrusting my mobile back into my hand.." I was about to leave and I could not find u anywhere so thought of keeping the mobile with me for sometime"..suddenly I remembered it was an unsaid pact btw us ...to take care of each other's belongings in the lounge while there was no one around from our respective families..I turned to profusely thank her and just then noticed her eyes were puffed and moist...sudoku stopped.. iPad was put away.. She had that defeated look about her .:as if understanding my questioning look she matter of factly answered " yes he is gone.. My Sudoku partner has left me..".. Controlling her emotions as she turned to collect her stuff and papers :. She murmured a hasty " best of luck for ur Uncles recovery" and moved off .. Leaving me gaping at this game of luka chupi and matter of factness between life and her inevitable ally -death..As the lady got busy for the final departure of her Soduku partner I turned towards my family that were looking towards the formidable ICU with odd mix of bleak hope, despair and apprehension ...
It was pitch dark outside.. Sun had settled down for another day...I looked out from the 6 th floor lounge of Lilavati Hospital at the sprawling Bandra lake with its glittering skyline..night was gradually setting in.. Could spot the Mumbai local train screeching in the background shuttling tired and exhausted commuters home after long day of hard work.. There was an air of sitting back ...Though the day outside was slowing down and changing its pace.. . inside the day was unaffected by the outside paces or routines.. I looked around at the dim lights of the waiting lounge in Lilavati ICU ..ICUs unnerve me ...that sense of morbidity in the air .. That apparent human helplessness in that final battle between life and death.. Where human life is just a puppet .. Hanging almost like a piece of ego trophy between life and death.. Those vital life sounds of beeps and puffs all together create the " ever formidable " ambience of ICU for me. I sighed ..getting up to grab a glass of water.."Aap patient ki Beti ho.. "? I turned to find a 60 plus lady looking back at me with questioning eyes.." Woh mere uncle hain".. I got back..she nodded and got back to her sudoku on her ipad.. There was a calm air around her.. I asked her " Aur aap?".. " Main patient ki wife hoon.. He is in ICU for a month now"... I nodded and looked away..there was one more thing about ICUs .. There is also that air of matter of factness and fatal acceptance towards suffering and death..every few hrs or days there is someone either winning the battle and getting discharged to leave or someone loosing it out there and passing away to abode their final journeys..in any case there are constant dynamic movements happening out there....the lady at soduku I noticed suddenly rushed in the ICU as her patient's bed number was announced ...there was a look of urgency , apprehension and hope on her face as she swiftly slid in..after few minutes loosing track of her I moved downstairs to grab a quick lunch with my aunt in the cafeteria..as I returned back to the ICU lounge after an hour .. First thing I noticed that my mobile phone was missing from the public charger in the lounge.. Frantically I looked around .. Since none of my family members were in the lounge area during that time.. I did not know where to check on.: just then felt a hand on my shoulder " here is ur mobile ".. There the soduku lady was ...thrusting my mobile back into my hand.." I was about to leave and I could not find u anywhere so thought of keeping the mobile with me for sometime"..suddenly I remembered it was an unsaid pact btw us ...to take care of each other's belongings in the lounge while there was no one around from our respective families..I turned to profusely thank her and just then noticed her eyes were puffed and moist...sudoku stopped.. iPad was put away.. She had that defeated look about her .:as if understanding my questioning look she matter of factly answered " yes he is gone.. My Sudoku partner has left me..".. Controlling her emotions as she turned to collect her stuff and papers :. She murmured a hasty " best of luck for ur Uncles recovery" and moved off .. Leaving me gaping at this game of luka chupi and matter of factness between life and her inevitable ally -death..As the lady got busy for the final departure of her Soduku partner I turned towards my family that were looking towards the formidable ICU with odd mix of bleak hope, despair and apprehension ...
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