Sunaina

The Antinational Bapu ... ?! 😡😡 Fanning my face with pallo of my dupatta I sighed  and peered at the unending queue ahead of us that morning ..It was a long intimidating wait..day was long and humid.. We were around 30 odd couples ( mainly from middle income brackets ) standing in one of the  Faridabad District Tehsils ..eagerly waiting to submit the registration papers for our newly acquired properties in Faridabad..all exhausted and drained out in this  so called  tehsil.. shabbily housed in a village government school .. But all trying to look as positive and calm as possible.. There was not much choice we had anyway..!! "We are in the land of Khaps and Deras of Ram Rahims " I reminded myself as I peeped through the school classroom completely devoid of girl students..it was curious to note that despite being a co ed this govt school  had no girls students around .. Bringing my attention back to the long queue ahead I smiled at the gentleman in the line ...

In land of Mandela ... "Don't stay out late after 7 pm alone Missey..it's not safe !!!.. " The lady with big beautiful kohled eyes on the hotel reception desk yelled back to me as she saw me step out gingerly into that crisp n chilly evening  of Johannesburg..Feeling my hands suddenly freeze I indulgently smiled back at the receptionist while  slipping on my gloves and got into my waiting cab..  Peter  my guide  for that evening .. Actually to be precise Peter  my friend , philosopher and guide in South Africa, a prof from University of Johannesburg ...just texted me our place of meeting and I handed over the address to the Cabman  .. Day was just starting to set in..the sun was moving to peep behind the hillocks in the horizon of Johannesburg .. As my cab moved from the all posh and plush areas Into the less jazzy ones. I looked at the shiny glitzy roads of Johannesburg going up and down like a long serpent in the hilly terrain of the city..as we m...

Woh aur uski bolti aankhen... He really had speaking eyes..jo baat Karti thin.. Muskurati theen...Shikayat bhi Karti thin....with such devoted looks .. They simply used to arrest me .. Every time .....remember the first day we met in the parking lot of my office.. I think it was an instant love at first sight between us.. I was immediately drawn to his speaking eyes.. As I hurriedly past him.. The only thing which stuck with me even at a hurried glance that day was his twinkling eyes.. Full of eagerness and inquisitiveness.. They stayed with me even as I walked away..As we started bumping into each other everyday.. It became a ritual for me to stop and converse with him everyday..to speak with his speaking eyes.. Was something I loved doing..slowly I started realising that he used to actually wait in the parking lot every morning to talk to me.. I started bringing treats for him from home that he used to relish on with full on display of appreciation and affection.. PDA was somethin...

Ek teer aur do nishaane... I noticed she was a little subdued..thodi chup chup si.. She was sobbing under her pillow.. Eating less.. The mother in me was instantly alerted.. My little girl was hurting.., Could feel the hurt written all over her face.. Talked to hubby.. We both decided to talk it out with her..we started with gentle probing., we didn't have to fish too hard..our girl poured her heart out " that mean boy in my class called me " Kali ghata"..the tears of hurt rolled out again.." they all call me dark and laugh at me Ma"... I was like numbed for few secs.. Since when did my lil girl got so conscious of how she looks .. I wondered .. Did not know how and where to begin.. We gently started talking .. Then we came to my childhood.. I told her I was also very sensitive about my looks and how people perceived me when I was in school .. I was certainly the most non noticeable girl in the class.. Often I felt ignored by teachers.. Relatives ...fr...

Sacred spaces and bad omen..... She just got back home from a tiring day at work..She looked around.. It was a tough day..... One of those days when u feel u gave your 100% but still got back cheated...There was that strong hurt inside her .. It was just not going away....Like a reflex she reached out for him.. Just like she always did... Like a habit.. She turned to her confidante .. Her friend.. Almost her Dear Diary..To share..or to get an assurance..she poured her heart out to him like always.. Groping for a flicker of hope.. A tiny indication that will give her a reason to be hopeful..something that will tell her that he understands her need for this reassurance.. . That he understands her hurt.. But instead what she got was the same harshness that she was experiencing around her..... . She could sense that familiar apathy in his response.. That same . Accusing tone .. The binaries of "u" and " us " suddenly became visible between her and him.. She was agh...

"Kiski Aulad"...? She was disturbed .... ..Nowadays it was a routine every now and then..she realised she has gradually turned into  a reclusive in office...Hardly meeting or socialising with people around her esp at work..the vicious air and polarised attitude almost numbed her.. She felt alarmed..Are these the same colleagues and friends.? she sometimes asked herself..It was getting more and more tough to have a sane conversation with anyone around her  ... The feeling of you are not " us" .. We don't trust u .. Always palpable around her..that narrative of "us " and " them"..was killing her.. Somehow It made her flinch every time her own fellow countrymen turned around and called her " Babar ki aulad"...it hurt .. Like a physical blow.. She was numbed each time..She almost whispered sadly back to herself " why not Bapu ki aulad".? . I feel so much closer in my heart to him.. I care a damn for a autocratic ruler..Y...

The mixed Bag.. Middle age..they say  is a mixed bag.. I  didn't. Get it then.. I  so get it now... My first brush with middle age was rather early..it first knocked at my door in the form of rather early onset of Type 2 Diabetes...A typical lifestyle associated middle age disorder.. Infact it would be more appropriate to term it as a package of disorders..My initial response to it was of despair... Maybe a bit depressed.. Was worried for my daughters  future.. Ques like " will I be around long enuf to bring her up?" cropped up..but then slowly I accepted my condition and decided what the hell I " ll take it head on.. By the horns.. And here I am handling my health issues in a v careful and Realistic way..at least I am giving an honest and good fight against it.. rest is beyond my control. Second was when I started feeling gradually  a kind of vaccum inside me.. That feeling of turning and looking back at life in general..mid forties... Kya khoy...

That Beparvah spirit... I hesitantly stepped into her front yard .. Almost guilty of trespassing .. I  sort of tiptoed into the home that looked like in a mode of status quo .. As if in wait or in anticipation of something..As if silently still hoping for its kind mistress to get back... Waiting to hear that familiar click of gate..turn of keys..The newspaper of next day with her picture flashing on front page lying at her front door... Unattended .. Looking around.. I apprehensively look at the spot in the front yard where she perhaps collapsed with three bullets in her frail five feet "Half " inch body .. where she perhaps breathed her last before maybe giving that one  final brave  fight towards life and hope.. Feeling shaken..I tried to look away .. dragging  my attention and thoughts away.. From the gruesome scene .. right  there In front of me in that front yard..and braced myself to walk into her home..And there she was... Her yaadien..her moments .....

Mate aur Humsafar.... When I was around 16-17 during one of our walk the talks .. I asked my grandfather ..."Is Dadi the Humsafar you write at times about? "..Point blank I asked...He was taken aback for a second...then calmly replied . " I often feel you are a lot like me..you have taken a lot from me.. You are Sensitive and very perceptive.. Mature for your age.. So I will give you an answer that you deserve...an honest answer.. Not an evasive one..We form n number of relationships in life.. As we move on this journey of life.. We come across new experiences.. New influences.. Some come and go:: but very few leave a stamp on us..They remain with us even after they leave,. Each relationship has different texture and flavour.. So yes physically and in many  ways emotionally too your dadi has been my mate in this journey called life..,she has been with me thick and thin..pillar of support and a wonderful homemaker.. But "Humsafar" and "mate ...

It was a crowded Hyderabad market in the heart of central Market. Me and my Mom in law were out on a Saree shopping spree that hot Hyd afternoon..loving the delicious mixed aromas of biryani and vada-sambar in the air.. Something that is trademark of Hyd.. I took a deep breath to imbibe the mixed aromas in..I hopefully suggested lunch to MIL.. which she readily accepted and we walked into chutneys for a yummylicious dose of veg Hyderabadi cuisine.... as we were walking out from the joint... I turned to a daily needs shop nearby to buy  a Mineral water bottle.. MIL almost in a reflex turned to me and quipped " don't buy from that shop . It's a Muslim shop.. They are meat eaters".. For few seconds I was zapped.. Stunned.... I froze...I remember I just turned to her with a smile but with eyes maybe full of questions and maybe hurt too.. I kept on looking  at her with my questioning eyes.. My eyes just had " What ??! "in my eyes..I continued this for few sec...

One horizon and two visions We were walking down the mountain .. The sunset had just happened..it was getting dark gradually..I asked him what do u see down there in the horizon ..he said "almost set sun".. Then he turned and asked "what do u see there?" I said " well I see a beautiful dark complexioned woman sitting under the flair of a gehua dupatta with glitter scattered all over it..there is a soft lantern burning in the background.. Giving her face a soft glow.. she has bright twinkling eyes and she is probably peeping under the veil with lots of curiosity and anticipation.."...I recited the famous Raj Kapoor song " Parde ke peeche baithi sanwali gori".... He laughed " I could have never seen so much surely.. For me this part of the earth is rotating away from the sun...and that's it"..he added matter of factly. and we walked off quietly hand in hand but with our own set of visions of the same horizon...

Forbidden Rendezvous ... We were friends since I think the age of 5 yrs... She was exactly my age and used to live opposite to my nana-Nani 's home in Aligarh .. Her name was Ruchi  .. Ruchi was kind of my that nanihaal Wala - vacations friend..A friend u spend ur warm winter afternoons  and cool  summer evenings with...playing hide and seeks and ghar-ghar while the whole family naps or relaxes.. We never went to same school but still since my Nani - nana lived close by in Aligarh my after school hrs  used to be equally divided between my home and my grandparents place.. Vacations used to be our freak out time..my Nani used to pamper both me and Ruchi with yummylicious goodies..remember her keema bhare samose so clearly.... That were Ruchi ke hot favs too.. Now  Ruchi used to live in a huge Punjabi joint family.. Opposite to my grandparents  place.. Very happy , family oriented and warm poeple...there was one catch though .. They were strictly vegetari...

As she walked in for judgement.. The Chief Justice of India was taking way  too long on that last case  bieng heard in the chief court of the Supreme Court today.. Me a bit awed ..maybe a bit bewildered too..sitting in the respondents box ...waiting anxiously for  hearing on our case of that PIL vs Union of India...sighed... realising  that the Union of India has to wait wee bit longer...got up and walked out of the Chief court for a breather.  It was a sea of black gowns all around me .. Men and women of all sizes, shapes and age sailing around flashing thier black robes..everybody seem to be moving with an urgent purpose and pace..phew ! I just realised Kapil Sibbal and Prashant Bhushan rushed past me with same purposeful gait and pace...getting a bit suffocated.. I moved a bit away from the chief court room into the sun.. And sat down in a corner.. It was then that I noticed her.... Maybe it was her dainty tiny self that first drew my attn., in that Bl...

The girl in the rainy mist... It was a beautiful rainy evening on a scorchy May day. As I turned my car inside the University campus.. The lush green campus which is a visual treat even in normal days... greeted me with its green spread with excited  peehus peeping out from here and there. I rolled my windshields down to feel the  cool " phohar" on my face..and it was then that I spotted her..a beautiful young girl around 23-24 yrs old.. she was standing on the side of the driveway where the turn for teachers residences is.. She signaled for a lift.. I stopped. She got in.. Once she sat next to me I noticed she was even younger and prettier than I thought.. She smiled at me and then before I could mutter a hello to her.. She started looking out of the window.." No courtesy in these youngsters " I whispered to myself.. And looked on the road ahead.. Though I noticed like a typical girl her age.. She didn't have ear phones plugged on .. Nor was she addictive...

The odd couple... She was softly crying sitting in a corner window seat of a sparsely filled up late night flight from Chennai to Delhi .. Me sandwiched between the two senior citizens.. On my either side..one sobbing and other ( a gentleman) trying hard to concentrate on  a newspaper..me feeling a bit uncomfortable with the rather morose  atmosphere.. Decided to bury myself in my book .. And put my earplugs on.. to put away all the diversions.. A soft tap on my shoulder a few mins later made me look up . To find the gentleman on my right smiling at me sheepishly... " please allow me to sit with my lady .. If u don't mind can I come in middle and u take my aisle seat".. Almost relieved with the exchange offer I hurriedly accepted his proposition and we did the swapping with full mutual acceptance..and eagerness.. A few minutes later.. A scenario of slightly diff nature beside me started unfolding which diverted my attention  again.. The lady was still continuing ...

Pehli flight ke co passengers " Oh God please no" holding my seat belts tightly .. I murmured to myself as the plane shivered like a frail bird in strong turbulence ..and tried my best to look externally calm and not let the chaos inside me spill out ... Though failing miserably at that..  On board my first flight ever from Delhi to Boston via London in Feb of  2000.. I was on a nerve wrecking experience ..pulled out a piece of paper and started reciting the dua thrusted by mommy dearest in my pocket..to recite if things got rough in the flight.. And things were getting indeed  rough ( literally 😂). ..I started softly whispering the Dua .. And then I heard a similar soft sound coming from immediate next door..wait but language sounded different.. I looked up to find an old Indian  lady next to me chanting Hanuman Chalisa under her breath.. We both exchanged glances.. Glances of shared fear and apprehension.. The plane shook vigorously just then again ...

" Humsafar" She was helplessly standing outside the Fortis Casualty and trying to convince the docs and hospital staff to let her sign on the consent form for operating on the appendix of the man lying inside with acute appendicitis pain. The White and blue aprons were unrelenting nevertheless...Question was bada simple .. " madam sign kijiye Lekin specify please your relation with the patient.. Columns had wife, son, daughter , bro , sis, parents , grandparents.. Bus .. No more Columns could be added.. Computer doesn't take any extra entry... She stood blank with the pen in her hand.. Tears rolled down her cheeks.. " Now what's my Rishta with this man inside.. 35 yrs and still there is no single column which fits me.. "... She looked up blankly at me .. The friendly and close nieghbour of hers and the man inside ..her partner of 35 yrs... Feeling so frustrated myself..Had the urge to barge in the hospital staff room and tell the moronic lady " ...

Ayushmaan is fast becoming Junior Aamir Khan for me.. Choosy.. Subtle , Low profile combined with a perfect performance to the finish..right from a sperm donating stud to a young guy struggling with his Erectile dysfunction situation..Khurana does it all bravely , eloquently and with a quite sort of dignity ..in an era when so called being human actors prefer padded undergarments .. and a testosterone dripping image.. Khurana goes for the subdued, sensitive but the gutsy subject in his own dignified way..The strength of SMS (shubh Mangal Savdhan) is the way the taboo subject has been dealt with.. It's very tough to create humour around a taboo subject Ike this one and still manage to steer clear of getting crassy or crude..the movie makes u crack up with its  witty one liners almost every minute ..but still the witty rom com dealing with such a sensitive subject never makes u cringe or makes u go "  eeow that's obscene".. I was pleasantly surprised to see all generat...

Duet on a rickshaw.., We were into the bylanes of Lajpat nagar..it was a sunny sultry afternoon.. Me with a mission to be accomplished on my determined mind.. (Read fishing for a matching dupatta for my suit and jodhpuris for my patiala salwar..)... And other titbit stuff which might sound trivial to some  but are of   Utmost emergency to the shopping clued mind of any lady leave alone me..😊 so  with this  focussed mind I was moving towards LN market happily in a rickshaw that afternoon.. As the rickshaw turned towards the bylane that goes towards the heart of Lajpat nagar.. I noticed the rickshaw man looked too happy and jovial with our ride and was turning back too often and giving broad smiles to me .... I generously smiled back at him .. Giving a grin back to him .. As he turned back almost umpteenth time to give his " paan ke peek wali" red toothed smile to me..a bit puzzled by his excitement levels.. I  thoughtlessly wondered " why is the fello...

2 rupayya ka note...Aur Raag Bairaag.. Was peering through my diary .. Came to the section where I found lot of adhanni's and one rupee notes pasted in my diary with dates jotted on top of it..there is a raag name written on top of each coin or note..and then suddenly that 2 rupee note stood out to me with Raag Bairaag ( raag of separation) written on top of it... I smiled invariably drifted back to the day I was rewarded with this note.. I think it was a day during my summer vacations I was just out of school ..Just joined college .....My Hindustani Classical music Guru( from Atrauli Gharana) was sitting in front of me.. We were all set to begin our daily  riyaaz for the day.. He was on Tabla and I was on Harmonium that day.. The Raag chosen that day was Kedara.. We began.. Few mins into it.. Ustad who used to usually close his eyes while I used to do alaap or kharaj for him..I always felt this was his way to concentrate on my performance so to judge my pakad on the Raag....

The curious case of a compass. . We were living on the banks of Charles river in Boston those days.. It was a sunny nice condo.. There was an air of happiness and anticipation around.. My mom was about to arrive in Boston to be with us for few months..I was busy readying a room for her and making the home more user friendly for her.. In middle of all this excitement I was a bit confused  to see my husband hanging around different windows and corners in the home with a room compass in his hand.. Curious by his antics.. I started following him and his antics a little more closely.. When my curiosity got over me and I couldn't resist any longer and I ended asking him " what's up?? What exactly are u trying to do?"..he calmly responded " Ammi is coming .. I am trying to figure a nice corner for her near the window in the home".. And I was like " So ? Why this ? " .. I quipped pointing to the compass in his hand.. " this is to figure out a qui...

Under Bapu ki loving gaze... It was a strange moment.. Everything was going perfectly... As planned... It was forenoon of a Oct 1999 .in Saket Court.. Delhi..In magistrates office.. All  my near and dear ones around me.. My family ....close friends...my to be hubby's brothers.,..I fondly noticed our professional mentor and guide Dr Srinivasan along with my uncle  duly ready with pen and all to be our honoured witnesses ..it was a pleasant October morning...yet there was something unsettling..I felt myself perspiring a bit.. There was a strange sense of nervousness and apprehension coming over me.. For the first time I was getting jitters... I was realising the " magnanimity " of our decision.. It was overwhelming... The religious -cultural gap in our marriage was playing on my psyche hugely on my mind at that moment.. " will we be able to manage the gaps".. A voice echoed inside me... " No religious ceremony.. No conversion ., Are we doing the correct ...

The similes... Exactly 50 Kms from ground zero Dadri..1992 Aligarh my hometown was burning with communal riots and tension..  My father a  well respected Prof in AMU was injured while trying to save a  Harijan boy.in that year... . A mob had caught hold of this young Harijan boy in our colony .. In a frenzied chaos.. My father rushed into the mob and almost laid himself on the boy and told the mob clearly...They have to kill him first then only they can kill the boy.. I remember myself as a first yr bachelor student.. Young scared but determined girl to save my father come what may...Entering the mob the first thing I remember are the red dripping eyes of those black masked men.. It was a mob of odd 500 of them.. But the ones which struck me .. The unforgettable ones.,,Were these 5 of them. With black masks.. Leading the crowd.. Instigating the mob.... They were clearly the outsiders. The scriptwriters of the whole act had send them for a special purpos...

Rajnigandha over Kaffee I smiled at the pretty florist girl on the pavement ..picked up a Rajnigandha bunch for myself from her..inhaled  in the breathtaking fragrance..smiled for no particular reason at myself.. And walked on..was in a posh locality Of Bengaluru and suddenly the name "The Kaffee cafe " flashed before me.. Tempted by the prospect of a aroma filled cup of filter coffee..I almost sleep walked into the cafe ..I was welcomed by the whiff of filter coffee mixed with dal vada aromas ..a deep breath and I relaxed...  The place  was a wonderful hybrid of contemporary and the traditional.. There was an air of old world charm and simplicity around..With glistening tiny coffee glasses in katoris to cool the coffee down..along with the traditionally attired staff..the place was just perfect to relax with a nice book.. Quite and laid back.. It reminded me of the Calcutta coffee houses.. Though the animated political discussions over Tagore and politics seem to be m...

" Fareed ka Hyderabad".. Just out of an official meeting I smiled at the waiting driver.. nodding at his " salaam Sahaab" I slided in to his ready inviting vehicle.. Soon we were out on the crowded roads of Hyderabad..it was 5 pm .. Peak office hr.. Roads were spilling over with people and vehicles.. Peeping out of the car window I spotted an elderly lady in bright silk sari.. Loads of gold jewellery ..White mogras in her hair and Hawaii slip ons in her foot buying vegetables from the street vendor....couldn't help smiling at the odd combo.." Irani cafe ki chai aur bakery se cake try karengi madam".. I heard the driver suggesting from front seat... .nodding ..soon I found myself in the cafe with the tiniest cup of strong Irani tea.. and Karachi bakery ka puff..both fitting into each other like hands and gloves..awesome experience.. Back into the car saw my cell phone beep with a text from office " driver name Fareed .. Number so and so....